Dec 21, 2010


I cannot believe that it is Christmas week. We are all ready here, all of the stockings are hung and everything is wrapped and under the tree. This is the first year that Santa is officially not visiting our house Christmas Eve and I must not tell a lie, but I am not missing it one bit. I am so glad I do not have to talk in code and hide "special paper" and gifts this year. I may actually get some decent sleep Christmas Eve!!  Check back with me in a year or two and I may be in a great depression over how old I am and feel, but for now all is well.

Saturday, my laptop died. I am using #2's for now. Luckily the Apple Store had an opening Saturday night for an appointment. The Man of the House and I got a GREAT Christmas present when we were told that my laptop was still covered under the extended warranty we bought because the repair would have cost over $1,000, but the bad news was that I would have to live without it until probably after Christmas. The electrical  board went out on it and it would not power on. I am so worried that I might lose some things that have not been backed up automatically. With the office being redone we have unplugged and moved things around so many times I am confused what was plugged and hooked up when. I will be so upset if I have lost pictures, especially of my mom. I just hope (slim chance) to get my laptop back before Christmas because ALL of our Christmas music is on my itunes account. I just bought the BEST Christmas music. It is a remix album of some Christmas classics. I love this Bing Crosby remixed song. 

I know that I am shoving a lot into each post lately and I hate that this isn't getting it's own post, but something a little ironic happened Saturday. My hubs was not a happy camper that he was going to be headed to the mall the last Saturday evening before Christmas, but I was ecstatic. I love to wander around the mall just before Christmas, under no pressure, browsing stores like Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel, Williams Sonoma and so on. It really feels like Christmas when I do that. Art (The Man of the House, The Husband, My Husband...) really likes it too, but he just will not admit it!! Just make Starbucks the first stop and he is a happy camper! Anyhow, he knew that it was a special day on the 18th and he recognized that, but before we left for the mall he said that he really wanted to go and eat at Brio.... one of my favorite restaurants. It is just outside of our mall.

Brio was the restaurant that we took my mom to on her birthday two years ago to the date, her last birthday she celebrated--and of course, he did not remember. She turned 69 that year and my family of five, along with my aunt and mom, went to dinner to celebrate.

my mom

 If you do not follow me, my parents live(d) just over an hour away from me and my mom LOVED coming to Raleigh and staying with us.  She was extremely involved with my family and all of the things her granddaughters were involved with. She really was my anchor in many ways and she was a soccer grand-ma and a cheerleading grand-ma. She died February 8th 2010, after battling breast cancer.

(Austria 2007)


 I didn't know what to expect from myself on Saturday. Last year, I spent my mom's birthday in bed with her. I laid beside her in her bed and we watched Food Network and HGTV. I had my laptop with me and showed her some recent pictures I had taken. I began to close my computer when I was finished, but she stopped me, put her hand on top of mine and asked me to click through ALL of my pictures.... and I did. We laid there in silence as we watched about six years go by. I remember cutting my eyes over to her and watching her watch the slideshow. She literally studied and took in every detail of every picture. Every so often, I would make a comment about a picture and she would not take her eyes off of the screen, but would nod her head and sometimes smile and agree with what I had said. It was as if she was recording what she was watching inside her brain.

my mom and dad at senior prom
Afterwards, I snuggled up to her. I gave her an electric blanket and several cashmere caps for her birthday. One of the caps became her favorite and wold be the one she was wearing when she passed away. I took it off of her when I left her bedside that final time and I keep it somewhere special now.  She had lost all of her hair by then and weighed less than 100lbs. By then, she was always cold. We cranked up the blanket to the highest setting and roasted together, or at least I did.  I didn't dare move until she feel asleep . One year later,  I wish I was still there, all snuggled up together, but I am not. She has moved on to bigger and better things.

My mom would have been 71 years young on Saturday, but I like to think that she turned 1 in forever-years. I cannot tell you how much I miss her and how often I think about her. She is on my mind constantly everyday, even more so this time of year. I talk to her throughout everyday and just pray that she hears me. This will be the first Christmas in 46 years that I do not get to see her. Yes, I am that old, just ask my back.

 back in the day that my back did not hurt!!

roasting marshmallows with granddaughters

me, my mom, #1 and #2 at my cousin's wedding-
I was the made of honor

grand-ma, papa and the three grandaughters (pre #3)

my mom and dad.... back when I  was in high school

#2 with grandma and daddy at Chucky Cheese

I am so glad that #2 had a file of pictures of her grandma on her computer
I just hope that all of my pictures are still on my computer when I get it back
hopefully that will be before Christmas. 


Debbie said...

Sending positive thoughts and energy your way during this special week for you. I, too, hope your pictures are all intact when your computer is returned. Merry Christmas to you and yours!

MCW said...

I know you miss your mom all the time, and I can imagine the holidays are even harder. I am sure she is looking down on all of you wishing she was there to give you hugs.

That picture of her in 87 is amazing! Looks like it was in a magazine.

Merry Christmas!

Pink in a sea of blue said...

Yesterday was the first Birthday my husband had without both of his parents...we visited their graves, but despite the sadness, it was a really great day with his grandmother, full of memories like you have posted about. I am sorry that your beautiful mom is gone and it's hard for us to comprehend the greatness they now experience ALL CANCER-FREE in heaven this Christmas. It's our privilege to keep them alive as we pass on great memories of them to our children. I hate mine were so young when they lost their grandparents. I hope your Christmas is still very special despite your great loss... On a lighter note, Crabtree is the best isn't it? Haha! I always feel more Christmas-y when I shop there, too!

Formerly known as Frau said...

Merry Christmas to you and your family! Your Mom was a beautiful women I know this has been a rough year for both you and your Hubby with all the loss. I hope your memories are strong in your heart and your pain is less as time goes by. ((Hugs)) to you and your family.

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

Lisa, what a sweet post about your Mom! Loved all the old pictures. She was a beautiful woman. I know how much you must miss her. Praying for you Lisa and I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas with your girls, despite your loss. You and I need to meet each other sometime this year. That would be fun!!! Merry Christmas. Love & blessings from NC!

Darla DiStefano said...

Blessings to you Lisa! and I do hope that all of your pictures are intact when you get your Mac back. I can feel your pain and it truly makes my heart smile at what a wonderful daughter you were and I know how special that must have been for your mom. I know how difficult this time of year is when missing a loved one and just wanted to say I understand and I hope that your heart is healing. Hugs to you and yours.

Love Being a Nonny said...

How did I miss this sweet, sweet post? I guess Christmas got in the way. How precious. How beautiful. What a special post for your girls to read!

Happy New Year! How are you?